How Avoiding My “Crazy” Led Me to Self-Harm…(and the dream that helped open it all up…)

How Avoiding My “Crazy” Led Me to Self-Harm…(and the dream that helped open it all up…)

Last week I had one of the hardest dreams I have had in a very long time. The feelings were excruciating, horrifying really, and incredibly real. At the start, I was probably around age 14, confiding in a therapist. Although I am terrified to, I reveal to him that I can see spirit right in front of me. I immediately find myself inside of a small room, and feel that I am in a mental institution. All of my perception is profoundly altered. I am aware that I am taking the drug Haldol, a powerful anti-psychotic medication normally given to people with profound symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The Birth of a New American Dream

The Birth of a New American Dream

The time has come for a new American Dream, since the one we have been dreaming together has become a nightmare. We dreamt of free speech and we got hate speech. We dreamt of the pursuit of happiness and we got students armed with guns killing other children. We dreamt of freedom and we got unarmed water protectors having their flesh burned off by the very same water they are trying to defend.

The Precious Gift of Nightmares

The Precious Gift of Nightmares

This is why I have come to believe that nightmares are in fact precious gifts, precise and strong medicine for the heart that has hardened and the eyes that have glazed over. In the nightmare, we deeply experience the part of ourselves that we have lost, sometimes in an exact recreation of the moment we lost it.

Dreams About Water : Entering To The Flow

Dreams About Water : Entering To The Flow

The reality is, feelings, when deeply felt, move. For when we allow ourselves to be fully immersed in our internal feeling state, we are tapping into a deeper river of felt experience, a river that naturally flows. When we tap into the natural rhythm of our own experience, we become students at the feet of our deepest and most self-evident truth—the way we are feeling at any given moment.

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