Some people might be wondering–what is the dreamwork I do actually like? While I do plan to explain it more as time goes on—I’ve realized that the easiest way to help you understand would be to show you! So, a while back I had this conversation about a woman’s dream from the website Dreame (also the people who made the beautiful artwork!). The back and forth gives you the sense of what it would be like to explore dreams in the experiential way that I focus on. The biggest difference between this conversation and a real live session is that if we were talking, I would be asking you to “feel in” to dream moments more. Here it is!
My dream occurred during my Senior year of college, I was single at the time and extremely busy with work and school. In my dream I was involved in a very serious relationship. I didn’t know the man in my dream, but he looked a lot like Jason Segal (from How I Met Your Mother) and I knew he was Jewish. The man was a big guy, good-looking and he had an absolutely mesmerizing personality. He had this striking sense of humor where he would lovingly tease those he close to him. When he teased me, I never felt attacked, just purely adored. At the end of the dream we were at his parents house, a cozy home, warmly lit and filled with a homey smell. He was gently teasing me and I don’t remember what he said exactly, but it was so funny that I couldn’t stop laughing. He would dip his head and give me a soft kiss as he giggled along with me. I felt so happy and so in love. I woke up to the heaviness of my own laughter. I was in absolute hysterics, laughing so hard that tears rolled down my cheeks. I lay there alone for 5 minutes, laughing all alone.
I mostly have a lot of questions. I am curious about the part where you describe his personality as witty and sharp, slipping sarcastic remarks into conversations. It feels to me like there is some kind of lesson that he is teaching you in his teasing, and even more so when it comes up at the end of the dream. I wonder, is your reaction to his teasing different or similar to how you would react to teasing in real life? What could this man be trying to show you about that kind of relating and communication?
At the time in my life which I had the dream I wasn’t close to a lot of people. I think because I was lacking closeness, I also wasn’t laughing a lot or even feeling in general. I really remember missing the energy of other humans for the first time in my life. I think in real life, during this time, teasing would have confused me. I would sometimes go 3 days without talking to anyone aside from professors and customers at the restaurant where I worked. I think this is something I am still re-learning – I am getting my laugh back.
Your answer illuminates some of the shadow I feel the dream was trying illuminate – namely surrounding vulnerability and openness with others. It sounds like this dream was trying to heal the parts of you that had anxiety around others. When we think we can’t really feel loved until there’s someone outside of us who decides we’re worthy, we can become overly self-conscious and sensitive around others. This makes it really difficult for us to be open and honest with others, because we’re worried we’ll be rejected with every little thing we say or do. The truth is we’re the ones judging and rejecting ourselves.
When I had this dream, I had never experienced this kind of love. I felt both vulnerable and safe around this man. I was fully exposed and it was so freeing. It was different than the love I had experienced before, where I felt as though I had to conceal parts of myself, so as not to be too vulnerable. This was not that. In the morning I felt sad and almost desperate. My dream was so real and I had deeply felt love for the first time. I wanted that relationship right then.
I appreciate that you pointed out you felt sad when you woke up from the dream, feeling the contrast between your waking life and the joy and love within the dream. I have heard similar things from dreamers who have very positive dreams during hard times in their lives. But when we understand that dreams come to support and heal us, we can come to deeply appreciate the gift that a dream like this offers. Dreams reveal the truth: the love we long for already exists inside of us.
I like to think of our capacity for experiencing various feelings as muscles that need to be strengthened. To strengthen your muscle of feeling the kind of love and joy you feel in this dream, all you have to do is close your eyes and try to bring yourself back to experiencing that dream moment. The more often you try this and the longer you’re able to stay in that feeling, the stronger that muscle becomes. What I find so special about the medicine dreams offer is that we can come back to our dreams over and over again – even when years have passed since we had them.
So! That’s just a little taste of what exploring a juicy dream can open up. If you’ve got a dream that you’re interested in exploring a little deeper, I’ve got a new offering up on the site, Dream Readings! By sending me up to 3 dreams, I’ll provide you with an in-depth picture of what your dream may be opening up for you and ways you can accelerate your dream exploration and healing. I hope you’ll check it out and don’t forget to follow all the action on Facebook.